• Acknowledge what has happened as soon as you hear about the death.  Consider sending a sympathy card right away.   You don't need to say a lot, but your words are likely to be very meaningful and recognized as supportive.

• Consider sending flowers or a plant along with a card. 

• It is often helpful and appreciated when others bring meals for the family.

  • Usually a prepared meal that will keep until the family is ready to use it makes a good choice.  This gesture can ease the burden of cooking and shopping for the family while they are attending to the immediate details of the funeral and caring for family.

  • It is wise to use a disposable dish when possible.  If it is not possible to use a disposable container, mark your container with your name on a piece of tape and stick it to the outside of the container so that the family does not have to try and track down the owners of containers.

  • It would also be helpful to identify what is in the container.

• Take the time and make the effort to reach out and offer support to this person.  Your gestures will certainly be appreciated.

• If you are not able to visit in person, consider a brief phone call.
• Stay connected to the person, listening, checking in on them and staying in touch after the loss.
  
  • There are usually a lot of people helping right after the death, but in the days, weeks and months to follow, your friend or family member may need your support, care and concern when others have returned to their own routines.
• Be a good listener.  A person experiencing grief may express feelings of anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and a number of other emotions.  Allow for the expression of these feelings.
  
  • The opposite may also be the case, the grieving person may not want to talk about it, and that is alright too.
• If you are able, you may want to offer to help care for children, run errands or perform other tasks that may be beneficial. 
• If there are children, be sure to remember that they grieve too.  You may want to let them know that they are in your thoughts.
• Depending on the situation, you may want to give a gift.  There are several types of bereavement gifts available--necklaces, gift baskets and other meaningful ways to share your sympathy and sincerity.
• If you are an employer, allow the person to take the time they need off work. 
• If you happen to be very skilled creatively, you may wish to offer to put together a dvd of pictures, a slide show or some other memory tribute.
• As a friend, it is very meaningful to do something to show another that you care about what they are going through.  Loss is difficult and can touch us in many ways, caring friends and family can be very helpful.

Etiquette for Family & Friends for the Funeral~

• If you can, attend the funeral.   You will likely find your attendance appreciated by family.  Plan to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early so as not to interrupt the services.

• If there is a guest book, you are requested and encouraged to sign it.  Provide your full name and address.  If the person is a business associate, it is proper to list the affiliation.

• If you are following in the procession be sure to turn on your lights.

• Keep in mind that there is often a reception for family and friends following the services.

• Life is busy, but please keep your family member or friend in mind after their loss.   As people go through the transitions and changes following a loss, they continue to need and will appreciate your support.

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.

~Charles Dickens

Other articles for family & friends to read:

Helping a Friend in Grief  by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Dispelling 5 Common Myths About Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.